And by that I mean a complete, valid,
executable. Not a line of shell script.

Details, write-up, and downloads at
http://www.heyrick.co.uk/blog/index.php?diary=20110404 (my blog).
The result?
Tiny. You'll need to read to see how small it is.

Best wishes,
Rick.
PS: Sorry, I grew up with the BBC Micro (for US readers, that's like an Apple II only infinitely more capable), so I have a sort of pathological aversion to an 8K program to write less than 20 characters to the screen, especially with a half-decent OS that already provides most of the functions necessary to do such a thing. Really all you should need to do is say "here, print this".